Carla: You're not allowed to get sick, you're my "Superman." Dr. Elliot Reid: Yeah, but if you don't... Dr. Cox: No no, no no, no no, no no, no no, no no no... No! But I'm not getting up again. Dr Cox felt this was big news. Did you scroll all this way to get facts about scrubs quotes? Carla: I think he described all the extra effort he put in so you would tell him what an amazing doctor he is. It's a bro-mance. : Right. : Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof. : Dr. Cox, do you have anything you'd like to say to my mom? Listen please, I don't care about any of your problems. Nurse Carla Espinosa: She and J.D. 16. I'd hug you but I, uh, uuuggghhh! No more helmet head! J.D. Dr. Perry Cox: You privately acquire hedgehogs... oh, come, on, you got a hog farm, give me a break. I'm a surgeon and there's no surgery. I've been programmed to think that a baby is the worst possible consequence of sex. : You're welcome. Dr. John 'J.D.' Whether it's your roommate, or time spent with your child, or even the music you used to hear in your head. Call Dr. Turk, he's the surgeon on call. : Carla, I'm not as think as you drunk I am... Dr. Cox: We are going to the park to celebrate and drink beer. This next one is for a big floppy hat that your now obligated to where every time you leave the house. Janitor: Really? : If you bring sarcasm my way, baby, prepare to be stung. [Mickhead fake-laughs at Dr. Kelso's pun]. Have a nice day, you look like a purse. : Nah, this is my roommate's badge, so we must have switched them this morning when we... Dr. Kelso: That's a great anecdote, you should write that down in your journal so your kids can read it when you're dead. 'Cause I just got your text that said, "Bone city". Dr. Cox: [sotto] Are you really doing this? Nurse Laverne Roberts: Don't you usually wait 'till you get home to do that? I would never compare you to the gays. What if there're hot chicks at the pool? Mrs. Warner: I feel like crap. He just broke up with me! You must have a metaphor you want to use; hit me with it! Dr. John "J.D." One time, she was skinless. Dr. Christopher Turk: Why don't you just hold onto that, sir? Jordan: Wow, I can't wait to write that down in the baby journal. But hey, it's only been twelve years. Should I get a male stripper for Elliot's bachelorette party? I got a new attending-plus, he's a question talker. I can't even sit on it! Dr. John 'J.D.' Is it sexist to keep the attractive nurses and let go of a few ugos? : As far as Bob Kelso goes, I know sometimes even the good things he does are for the wrong reasons. Sincerely. I only got about an hour and a half of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you, like an animal. Dr. Cox: Something I already know. Carla: [speaking from the desk behind them] My mom died. And at least I remember the names of all MY sexual partners! [whissles for attention] Jackass! Gimme a break. Dr. Cox: Newbie, stay. : Have you been to the Y on man night? J.D. When Elliot... Dr. Elliot Reid: Carla... it's fine. Elliot: You actually think you're a better doctor than me. : [thinking] Be careful here... Don't give him anything. I was thinking about soup. 's high-pitched voice] Oh, my God, it's true what they say about black guys! We were watching Mexican football. Jordan Sullivan: The only reason you're invited is that for some reason you own a Spongebob Squarepants costume. Carla: Dr Cox, can i borrow you for a minute? I already lied to you once so the trust is broken, even though I'd never lie to you again. But Mostly Fork. [storms off down a corridor]. Dr. Perry Cox: But carotene, like jaundice, turns you yellow, just like certain blood disorders turn you blue and tomatoes can turn you red. And have you bothered to name this thing yet? Dr. Bob Kelso: Son, you were gathering a group of large orderlies to get the lightbulb out of the patient by doing what? Won't it be a little awkward when you show up at St. Mary's Cathedral on the corner of Maple and Pine, right across from Temple Oheb Shalom, at 4 P.M. today? In fact, you're pretty tolerant of everyone. Dr. John 'J.D.' Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, I'm just here as a friend. Little Justin: [clicks his tongue, winks, and gives two-thumbs-up to Dr. Cox] *click* *click*, [Carla is escorting a patient, a boy named Ralphie, to Pediatrics]. STRIP CLUB! In the end, you just have to trust your decisions.. and hopefully, you’ll land on solid ground.” ... [Quotes] Scrubs Season 1 [Quotes] Scrubs Season 2 [Quotes] Scrubs Season 3 [Quotes] Scrubs Season 4 [Quotes] Scrubs Season 5 [Quotes] Tuesdays With Morrie; be inspired.. be motivated.. be excellent! Dr. over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just got to go ahead and replace the captain of your brain ship because he's drunk at the wheel! Although the lettering is darling. Dr. Dr. Christopher Turk: Dude, he keeps a hug schedule with his friends. Dorian: Because, Brad, I'm the kind of clown that likes to wear tight pants. Mrs. Brady: I can't take pain killers. Dr. Cox: So, now... why'd you finally agree to marry Gandhi? being mad over her secretly moving in. : [in in Mr Kecks room] [to Turk] You would make a pretty girl. J.D. Dr. Ricky: Dr. Reid, I need to meet you in radiology to uh, you know, go over some test results. : [as Robin] Holy inferiority complex, Batman! That came out wrong. Cause my weasel's getting heat stroke! Cox's shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? : These are the last eight guys in the hospital that don't realize I suck at basketball. : Yeah, I'm tryin' it out. Dr. Christopher Turk: That's not couples therapy, Todd. : You had a bedtime when you were seventeen? [Faces her seriously] I have worked hard to try to forget everything about our childhood. [out loud] Banana Hammock. Well, any of them'd give just about anything to be able to sashay off this planet, but most are gonna stay and live forever and ever and ever; and your Mr Milligan... well, it turns out he's just young enough to die. Dr. Cox: Newbie's test results came back. Dorian: What are you doing here? Dr. Taylor Maddox: Can you do that? Clock: Dr Cox, I was wondering if we could talk about Miss Myers in my office. : J.D. Dr. Perry Cox: People suck. Dr. Kelso: Ah... when I first started out, I could take this old white coat out, get a free haircut or a nice table at the restaurant... and hell, I never once got a speeding ticket. : Elliot, come on. Turk: It's not like you're the king around here. banner: marrying Elliot, having another child, spending holidays with the Turks and Coxes, and seeing Izzy and Sammy get engaged. : Presentation, inspiration, and fear? Dr. Christopher Turk: Yeah, uh, I think you should answer his question. Dr. John 'J.D.' The big being my son Jack, a cure for cancer and the resurgence of the hard-shelled taco; the small... Paige: [copying Cox] The small being my ex-wife Jordan, wind energy and a-ha-hall fruit-infused liquors... your name still would not have come up. I must have her! All of the famous TV quotes from Scrubs are entertaining, and these Dr Cox quotes are almost guaranteed to make you laugh. Not so I could read it, or anyone else could read it. Plus the other day you said you liked her. That means I'm turning thirty. [thinking] Much better! I've got one in my pants. Clock. Dorian: [Dr. Cox has put J.D. If you go out, would you get me a hot italian sausage? Dr. Perry Cox: I can't imagine anything I care less about. J.D. [realizes ink got on his hand and now is wiped on his head] AWWWW MAN! After J.D. That's what "house call" used to mean. Dr. Cox: Wait, wait, let me get on in this! I think she's gonna do great, Julie Quinn: Did you know, J.D's parents thought he was gonna be a girl. Dorian: [flashback] So, I opened the door and I see you and Stacy. Janitor tells J.D. J.D. So move on! : [thinking] Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Carla: Fine, you can't live with Elliot, but you're not living with us, so get your crap up by Friday. Dr. Kim Briggs: So, do you think you could ever be in love with me? One of them will say something. I catch you hiding behind the sawmill. And I used that to sleep with all those mothers. We really can not judge... Dr. Christopher Turk: [screaming] Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Then three of them posed like that for their yearbook photos! J.D. Dr. Elliot Reid: Yeah, well, it's time for them to sink or swim. J.D. : [thought] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lock-down. I should go. [to Jordan, about why it's important for them to fight]. Dorian: I'm asking for your help here. Dr. Perry Cox: [now using the lamp as a ring microphone] Ding! I'll tackle that one right upstairs [points to his head] . announces to some of the interns that he is leaving. Plus, she's not that emotionally available. Anyway, when I first found out I was panicked; and then I thought I've kind of been drifting through life all these years... and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me. [Cox walks in front of doctors, paramedics and patients all arranged in a row]. Dr. John 'J.D.' I mean, don't get me wrong, outside the hospital, Elliot with her hair up is a slammin' hottie, but in here she's an asexual mess. [lights go out, a spotlight falls on the Janitor]. Next to him is Mike: lost half his leg in a motorcycle accident. Elliot: Oh, I have to make Kelso think that I still work here so he doesn't have me arrested for stealing medical supplies. Dr. Todd Quinlan: Because of the churro vendors. I don't know if it's the hormones or if the baby is actually eating the bitch cells; but Jordan has softened. I'm gonna leave them up. The entire room suddenly becomes silent at the sight of Dr. Cox fuming]. : [Janitor makes confused, sighing noise] Look, it was just a coincidence man. And then I realized that the sunrise just looks beautiful through the trees, and that my neighbor gets his paper in the 'nude' and that he needs to lose like 900 pounds. Dr. Kim Briggs: Get in here with the epidural! Dr. Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Dr. Perry Cox: I'm sure the pulse setting on your shower head will be devastated. Next. I love you. Mrs. Wilk: Now that you've told me it won't sound sincere. Dorian: This is unacceptable. But men don't come and make everything all better - they're only human. Tomorrow is my day off and I am joyous to have my place all to myself. It's a risky move, I know, but Dr Jarvis here said it'll be all right. Turk: He was up all night with a high fever, cramping and crying. : Oh my God! Carla: Yeah, I think she prefers "Miss Myers.". Look I can't just un-e-vite everyone. [Elliot's cell phone rings but she ignores it]. That annoys me. Dorian: Listen, I know you hate everything about Miss Broderick, but her father is in need of medical care, and it's our medical obligation to treat him whether his daughter is a murderer, a drug addict, or a terrorist. [after Dr. Cox announced that J.D. J.D. Elliot: Oh, boy, do they. And when that finger of blame starts pointing in my direction, I had damn sure better be in a coma from the anger stroke I suffered from the last time you tried to hug me. : Because I had it out while I was looking at yours. Season six episode eleven- My Night to Remember. But I didn't have the patience. J.D. J.D. Ted: Aw, man! J.D. After the wedding, you wouldn't even take Turk's name! It starts with my mother yelling at my sister for yelling at my grandmother who's yelling at the television screen, which happens to be the microwave. Oh... and I'm never dying... Jordan: Carla, my ex-husband is in love with you. Dr.Cox is sitting despondently on a couch when J.D. J.D. Dr. John 'J.D.' : [walks into hospital soaking wet] You're not aware of any sort of odd underground canal system beneath the hospital, are you? Like that's gonna make you - [Tears stream mascara tracks down Elliot's face] Elliot, come on, you can't be *that* insecure. You were flaking on them anyway. Dr. Christopher Turk: [J.D. I just don't want to get caught in the middle again. Let me, let me tell you a little story. Turk: How can you make love to your wife if she's at fat camp? Elliot: I'm sorry, that was my mistake, I keep forgetting that you're a horrible, horrible person. The Janitor: [walks by with tiny boots that look like they are for a baby on his hands] I made shoes for my bunny. Relationships are about taking a leap of faith. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language. I'm surprised. Dr. John 'J.D.' I mean, life's too short not to go for it with Elliot. Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year, and nine months ago I hugged my son, so: you're gonna have to do it. Murray Marks: He's not my dad, he's my fake dad. Dr. Cox: Oh, then you should definitely handle this yourself, there, Britney. Elliot: I'll write rare dry spell in the margin. Elliot: See, Turk, in the hood, a low-low is a low rider, or a car with an adjusted suspension which allows it to bounce up and down. I just said "slave" to my new, black girlfriend! J.D. J.D. But otherwise I'm dandy. I gotta stop taking that shortcut through the quarry. : I'm saying all my thoughts out loud so that I don't mess this relationship up, J.D. J.D. It's over, J.D. J.D. And who's to say my fantasies won't come true just this once? Betrayer. A.M. Muppet: That explains so many things. Dorian: This is how I remember it. Dorian.". We'll be bestest friends foreverest if you just keep your face out of my face. Carla: Let me ask you something: you kind of a boob guy, right? has his "final" eagle, yet in ". But that's my problem, you know, and I'll deal with that. I'm gagging and vomiting at the same time. Fix that. [storms out as Laverne comes in]. I can't just up and leave. We got our happy ending both romance-wise and career-wise and everything is wrapped up neatly … Dr. John 'J.D.' I'm relatively certain that the computer is broken. Boo-hoo! You know, as long as you stay right in you wheel house. It could be whatever I want it to be... Who's to say this isn't what happens? : Oh, you're deaf. Dorian: Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift. Elliot: I heard you're telling everyone I violated you. So it's probably in your best interest to make up some lame excuse, turn around and leave. I haven't. [the janitor is holding a patients legs down]. [points at each of the women] Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'. I turned your little office into my pajama closet, I threw out everything in the refrigerator that had the word "jerky" or "whiz" on it, I got rid of all your clothes that make you look like you're 20 years old. I was 16! 2. : It's more obvious to me, baby - I mean Turk. : Because they're stealing all of our jobs, Mr Bursick... stealing aaall of our jobs. Dr. Bob Kelso: It's our annual blood drive & I need a volunteer to dress up as our mascot, Mr. Prick... We... may have to change the name. Isn't that right, Dr. Cox? : [after slamming his hand in the hinged counter] Aaaah! [to Jordan] Should anyone ask, you beat him. : I'll see you 'dere, bro! Do you know what they are mostly? This is a big moment for me. Turk: You aren't gonna freeze up around her again, are you Ted? J.D. : His mother doesn't die. Dr. Christopher Turk: [as J.D. You'll be staying here forever. Dr. John 'J.D.' If you want to work, let's stop paying for the room, so you can go home; then you can come back and get paid to work. Dorian: FYI, that loft is Lohan-tastic... it's vintage Lindsay. Dr. Perry Cox: But when will I have time to kill myself? J.D. Dr. Cox: Go on home and get in bed, will ya. and... [points at unknown guy] five: as weird junk, number four told me. Dr. John "J.D." Thanks S.C.B. Should be no problem at all. Carla: Oh she hasn't talked to anyone at her new hospital. I practically live here! Sean Kelly: [Breaks the kiss and wipes at his face] What? Dr. Christopher Turk: There's always women at the pool, baby! Elliot: If I do then from now on whenever you guys look at me all you're going to think is Giant Gross-Foot. Dorian: Been there with my gram-gram. : I got this. Dr. Elliot Reid: We must've looked at a hundred women's bajingos today. Dr. Bob Kelso: You got Brinner? Oh, and by the way... giant, giant feather in your cap for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years! Dr. John 'J.D.' Dr. Cox: I'm not angry. Shut up! It is... just disturbing enough so that, leaving the house, I'm cranky and less able to suffer fools which brings me back to you, the fool. The Ibuprofen scene has a similar scene in the first episode of the series, with Sunny instead of J.D. Dr. John 'J.D.' J.D. Dr. Elliot Reid: And you guys have been together what... 60 years? Long story short . : This, this isn't like being a janitor, okay! Dorian: Well, you're the number one jealous... weight for the jealous... weight jealous c-champ... Dr. Perry Cox: [in a excited commentator-like tone] He's done it! : Last night in bed I knocked you unconscious. 03. Dr. Cox: You couldn't push my buttons if you tried. And then you did the most amazing thing of all... you made me laugh. J.D. They're infamous for serpents! Dr. Molly Clock: So they have more of a nougaty center? J.D. Dr. Elliot Reid: Dr Cox, it wasn't our fault. Carla: Worse. [Jordan is watching Dr. Cox on the security monitor]. Is it sexist to hold the door for a woman? Consider yourself suspended until you do. [a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]. When my brother Barry came out of the closet, my parents send him to hetero-camp. : [looks confused, the continues walking and thinks] OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive. [Keith mistakes a fat old woman for the "woman" Elliot meant], Dr. Elliot Reid: I made out with her husband this morning. He's a little closed-off, you know? : Living with Elliot was certainly different. The banner falls down and J.D. Did you think that was a little too mean? Dr. John 'J.D.' Dr. Perry Cox: Of course not. J.D. Dr. Perry Cox: Barbie... you've met be before, yes? Dr. Cox: Because you are lucky! Urologist: Hey, I love being the new urologist here, but I'm having some troubles with my peers. Dr. Kelso: Uh, Perry, I just spoke to my cardiologist and he said if you hadn't discovered my high blood pressure, it may have resulted in my case of, um, death. [J.D. Here I was in my own little world, talking to myself, dreaming about candy bracelets. Elliot: But if the ceremony's in spanish, how will I know when you guys are married? : [laughing and mocking] Careful, Doug. Dorian: I don't like candy bracelets. Dr. Cox: Listen up, bubby. Doug, wussup. And that's the natural order of things and you don't mess with the natural order! Jordan Sullivan: [handing him a fork] Welcome home, Perry. Dr. Christopher Turk: It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Dr.Perry Cox: If you wanna lose the nickname, you gotta shave the beard. [starts applauding] Bravo, ah! : Well, that's kind of a trick question, Turk. I would take it with my bare hands. J.D. Dr. Perry Cox: I've never been more proud of you. J.D. The only reason I got that oncology rotation is because I let Dr. Morgan take me as his date to his brother's wedding. [grabs J.D] I don't know this man. : [voice over] I guess what they say is true the people you work with really do become your family. Dr. Cox: Now, just because Jordan thinks it's cute that you're violating her little sister, doesn't mean you can use my guestroom for your nerdy G-rated sexcapades. Dr. Elliot Reid: [back in Free Clinic] All right, now repeat after me... Mr. Keck: [to Turk] "You can't decide for me, that's not your duty.". Patient: So, where in Connecticut are you from? Quotes by John Dorian - J.D. : There are a lot of ways to grieve, but last time I checked, wheelbarrow style wasn't one of them. Janitor: In case I get lost. Dr. Cox: Hey, Betty. : [thinking] Not that I totally expected that. Janitor: Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys. Dr. Cox: Fine, let him go to church. I'm limping from fishing. Feel free to start with me. I read their files! I'm the one who said them. Dr. John 'J.D.' If you need anything feel free to bother Dorian. : But I've only worked here for three months. [in the high-pitched voice again] Oh, I'm any generic hospital worker who happens to ask you a question about your pregnancy and/or any baby-related issues. So when he calls me Eva, he's actually saying, "JD, I care about you!" Dr. Christopher Turk: I wouldn't worry about it. [she hops up again]. Made no sense. Free Clinic Patient: [into Phone] Where are my shoelaces? Ding! and Sunny had planned the entire thing and he hears the whole speech. So I'm askin' - I'm tellin' you: take that responsibility seriously, stop being such a hard-ass. [Dr. Cox appears as Alice from the Brady Bunch then looks at J.D] Aren't ya? J.D. I'm so sorry... For my part, I think death is a lot like that story, quite frankly. The Janitor: You combined "You" and "Are", and you said "Yar". I missed the Gilmore Girls! [Kelso approaches] And there he is now, oh, big Bob-o himself. Dr. Cox: Bottom line. Dr. Perry Cox: You go do that. J.D. Mrs. Wilk: Dr Reid, why are you hiding? Just tell her about it. Nurse Carla Espinosa: Did he say "back in the hizzay"? Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are. J.D. J.D. : [voice over] He was right, I couldn't do it... Ted: I feel I'd be more productive if my phone dialed out. I love religion. J.D. Jordan Sullivan: Don't forget: momma's coming home tomorrow, so the fridge needs to be restocked with rice cakes and vodka. Hell, it's... it's why I trust you as a person. No, that's not it. Dr. Perry Cox: Check out Barbie boo-hottie slamming Big Bob... that a girl! Janitor: I guess I just never realized how you pick up just from working here. It keeps you from becoming a crappy doctor. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Awesome! J.D. And I don't want you to take this negatively or anything like that, but that makes you a Devil Woman. Dr. Kevin Casey: Hey, J.D., wanna get a beer after work? Dorian: Okay gang I'll meet you up in the radiology to talk about Mr. Keets' CAT-Scan. Dr. Cox: Borrow me? Dr. Christopher Turk: [whispering] Oh, my God! Dr. Cox: That's funny, I don't recall asking for a really [x10] , ree-heeely boring story. Carla: Kid, I'm about to become a millionaire. J.D. Dr. Elliot Reid: Kelso wants me to keep hiding Doug until that attorney leaves? J.D. That old clown was really good. Johnny was always the one in the family we KNEW was going someplace. Janitor: I knew you would. [classroom full of residents are unruly and not paying attention to Dr. Cox. : Do you remember when communications with Zordon went down and the Megazord was destroyed? Dr. John "J.D." leaves Sacred Heart for the last time as an employee, he thinks back about how many people he has come into contact with. Dr. Ralphie: I swallowed that ring, and my dad had to wait for me to go Number Two. Clock: Hey! Because you see I [pointing at self] am accountable. Dr. Mr. Keck: Ummm, I don't know if surgery is necessary. J.D. We don't have appletinis. J.D. Did he also tell you to take your trunks off, Turk? Oh, big daddy, yes!" Dr.Perry Cox: You're an annoying, whiny man-child. Nurse Laverne Roberts: Did I miss something good? Janitor: [over PA] Dr. Dorian, Dr. Turk is free for his rectal exam. She hit him in the face with an iron. Carla: That's what I think of your scooters! I don't actually know what you do. J.D. Dorian: Life in a hospital is never boring. Dr. John 'J.D.' Dr. Cox: No, trust me, there's not. Do you think I'm wasting my life. Dr. John 'J.D.' You see, according to the Right Reverend Jimmy T. Gibbons, that's the name I gave the minister in my mind... every day, Bob, every day I am to take 20 minutes for myself. [Ted's applause trails off] Dammit. Dr. John 'J.D.' Dr. Christopher Turk: I can't watch this. I have been cursed to work the night shift with you chuckleheads, which means I have to tape the Laker-Heat game; and seeing as no one in the history of this germbox has ever made it through a shift without saying "Oh, my God... oh, my God! Dr. Elliot Reid: I was making out with a married man while his sick child slept a few feet away. Dr. John 'J.D.' Admittedly, it's some more than others, but that doesn't make the others any less enjoyable. [Ted promptly replaces the ketchup], J.D. Ok; [whistles] all nurses and interns let's gather around and dance for the puppet master. : I used to like the Silver Surfer. asks her what he can do to repay her, she tells him to tell her if Turk loves her more than J.D. Dorian: [narrating] Love can give you strength you never knew you had. Turk: How the hell are you going to do that? Nurse Carla Espinosa: Well maybe it's not too late. : I know. Dr. Elliot Reid: That sounded harsh. Chris Turk: Steak. Clock: Actually, Turk, it's "still hittin' them corners and those low-lows girl". J.D. Yes? [Troy pushes his solution over to the Janitor]. Dr. Molly Clock: Perry, no one's pure evil, I mean yeah some people have a hard outer shell, but inside everybody has a creamy center. The Janitor: [Pushes J.D over as all the children laugh]. Dr. Elliot Reid: Now don't you screw this up, Keith. [Elliot smiles and walks off scene] [Janitor to himself] Elliot. Carla: Yeah, and then you can use the other $99,999,000 for therapy! I'll just have a beer, thanks... with a pineapple wedge. Pa-ZOW! Remember what you told me: Once you start blaming yourself for peoples' deaths, there's no going back. Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question? So much so that, by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know who I hated more - her or me? I know, shocker. walks out of the hospital for the last time and sees his future projected on his "Goodbye J.D." The guy wanted an orange soda, right? Dr. John "J.D." Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. J.D. J.D. Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. Thanks for playing. Do you guys mind if I eat with you? J.D. Dorian: Really? Dr. Cox: [Dr. Kelso gives him a latte] Boy oh boy, you are really digging the heck out of this "secret friendship" thing. I don't know why you haven't mentioned this to her! Jordan Sullivan: You are so much stronger than all the other idiot residents around here. [ Translation: Grapefruit! And I'm not talking about the "whoa-whoa, here she comes" kind of man-eater. "The truth is, it is all your memories, the joyful ones and the heartbreaking ones that make up who … Making fun of the other doctors, going on and on about Jesus... man, I hope he's real or you're gonna be pissed! Dr. Perry Cox: Well, I'm 47 and recently lost the ability to breakdown dairy products. Dr. Kelso: Thanks to your little telling-me-the-wrong-time-prank, I was 45 minutes late for my oriental massage, which meant that instead of Pang-Wa, I had to settle for Ching-Dau. Dr. Cox: [makes a ringing noise] Dan, Cox-a-roony, regarding the rum and coke issue... could not be more confused... Dr. Cox: Newbie! : Where do you think we are? Dr. Hendrick: Hm... that was a mouthful. Dr. Christopher Turk: OK, so I'm going to add a little pressure now, sir. For instance, my father actually made the same mistake on his deathbed. Dorian: No, no no. J.D. What do you got there in your hand? Uhm... A penny and a 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection, today worth exactly 29 cents. Turk: The point is Carla's setting some kind of record on being a major pain in the ass, and I can't help you.